


Home Is Next To You

by theenterprise



Category: Psych
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, alcohol mention, or semi-romantic relationship, psychiatric help, queer platonic relationship, soul mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2713700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theenterprise/pseuds/theenterprise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn attempts suicide but is caught before it happens. He wakes up in the hospital to people he loves him. He's scared of the repercussions of his actions but finds out how much love there is for him.</p><p>Note: Do not read if you are feeling suicidal or if you feel this could be triggering for you. This does fic not endorse suicide. If you feel like you or someone you know needs help call this number:<br/>1-800-273-8255<br/>or go to this site: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home Is Next To You

**Author's Note:**

> This gets cheesy towards the end but i am against really sad endings and i love these folks too much to let them stay sad.  
> I've taken some liberties, and some things from personal experience.  
> This can be considered to be in the same verse as my other psych fics but especially this one>  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/2550770
> 
> If you feel like you or someone you know needs help call this number:  
> 1-800-273-8255  
> or go to this site: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx
> 
> You don't have to ever feel like you're alone.

His throat burns but he has to keep going. He has to. He can’t go on like this. He’s too fucking burnt out.

Shawn takes another gulp of whiskey and feels like he might throw up again but doesn’t. This time the pills will stay down, he knows it. There’s a relief like sensation that it’s finally going to end, this all will finally be over.

He’s crying and it makes his already blurred vision worse. Shawn is locked up in his apartment’s bathroom and he tries to take a look at his surroundings one more time before he finally leaves this shit hole. Shawn could almost laugh, thinking back to his and Juliet’s apartment, it felt like home, but now that he lives (lived) alone again all this place feels like to Shawn is a place to die.

“This is so boring.” He says to an empty room. Why is this taking so long? He’s ready for it but all it feels like is him getting the flu, which sorta feels like dying when he thinks about it. Shawn laughs and almost wants to text Gus about it but he already turned off his phone and Oh Yeah, he sent that fucking long Goodbye Message.

He wish he had said I love you to Gus one more time in person- and that’s the last thing that Shawn thinks before he wakes up.

________

When Shawn wakes up, his head hurts like a mother fucker, along with the rest of his entire fucking body. His vision is still a little white around the edges as looks around to realise he’s in a hospital room.

Oh Yeah… he tried to kill himself. “Well, I guess that didn’t work.” he says in a whispery raspy voice and only then does he also realise there is an oxygen mask to his face as well which he promptly removes with his hand which has an IV tube-thingy sticking out of it. There’s a rustling to the left of him and he hears the movement of chairs and looks over to see Gus and his father both in bolted upright positions and eyes wide open.

“Shawn!” They shout simultaneously. They both surprisingly look like they’re about to cry as well. That’s so lame, Shawn thinks. Gus is such an ugly crier. His dad isn’t much better. But before they can say anything the nurse is ready to shoo them out. Shawn is so thankful for that too because he doesn’t even know what to say to them and Confrontation Is Really Hard. So instead it’s a day of poking and prodding and doctors and psychiatric people asking stupid questions before they decide he’s not a risk to anyone except himself.

Apparently he’s in the the psychiatric unit at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital. It’s a separate part of the hospital where all the doors have locks on them and all of the floors and walls are an off white colour. Shawn hates it here.

But the nurses are nice enough and everyone coddles him in fear that he’s “fragile” or something. The doctors decide to put him under 72 hour surveillance and if he doesn’t attempt anything again, Shawn will be registered for an out-patient instead of an in-patient program and he can go “home”.

Wherever that is.

Then they say they’re letting his dad in and he doesn’t really have a say in it. His father, dressed in a stupid Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts like always looks tense but not angry, like he expects Shawn to try “it” again, right in front him or something.

They sit in silence for a few minutes before his dad finally speaks.

“Shawn…”

“Dad.”

“Your mom is on her way down.”

Shawn nearly chokes on his own spit. He was honestly hoping that his mom wouldn’t find out until his funeral (if he had one) was over or whatever, and he honestly wasn’t expecting to make it so Shawn definitely doesn’t know what he’s going to say to her. The Psychiatrist.

They both sigh and Shawn looks past his dad to the window, which has no actual way of being open, in case they thought he wanted to jump out it he guesses.

“Why couldn’t you let me go dad?”

His dad looks like he’s about to yell, but he doesn’t, instead he’s honest-to-God crying.

“Dad?” Shawn is so confused now, Shawn should be the upset one, not his dad.

His voice cracks. “Shawn you goddamn idiot- You’re my son. Why would I want you dead?” He laughs with anguish in his voice. “No matter how angry or mad I get Shawn, never, would I want you gone. Never, I have never thought that once.”

Shawn cries too and his father walks up to the side of the bed and hugs him the hardest he thinks he’s ever been hugged by his father. He thinks he weeps for the first time in his life too and hugs his father back.

_____

His dad tells him that including him, his mother, and Gus. That no one else “knows”. About it. Shawn is pretty fucking glad. He can’t imagine facing the department and seeing Juliet, or the chief, or God Forbid, Lassie sending him sad looks.

Shawn really wishes that Gus didn’t know. Gus is his buddy, his best friend, bro, and the word “soul mate” comes to mind but he pushes that thought away. So in short, he loves Gus. And he really isn’t sure what he can possibly say to him after he sent “the message”. But because Gus is his best friend, he also really does want him here. So after his dad leaves, he says to the nurse that it’s O.K. for Gus to come in.

When Gus walks in, Shawn honestly can say that is the first time since maybe that time he got the flu in high school, that Gus does not look impeccably dressed. He’s unshaven for one, his shirt untucked, and he’s pretty sure he hasn’t showered.

It kind of shakes him.

“Shawn.” He chokes out, and thats it and he’s crying, and weeping and walks two steps before holding him till he can’t breathe.

“Gus c’mon buddy I’m fine…” It’s almost a reaction to say it without really meaning it, but he wants Gus to stop crying, because it’s not like the other times he cries. Gus seems dead serious and is holding him so close. He’s knows Shawn in some ways better than Shawn knows himself and he’s scared of it. He’s scared of how much Gus knows him.

“You’re a fucking idiot Shawn.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

Gus pulls away and sits on the side of the bed and rubs his eyes.

“You know why.”

Shawn tries not to make eye contact with him but he can’t seem to look away either as Gus is staring straight at him. It all just spills out.

The end of the relationship with Juliet, the childhood with his mom basically gone, the sometimes verbal and emotional abuse from his dad, the migraines he gets where he can hardly think. Shawn cries for the second time today, this time with Gus holding him.

And then it just slips out, the “I love you.” and before he can take it back, Gus says it too. They both know what Shawn meant, because Gus always knows.

**  
  
**

_____

**  
  
  
**

When Shawn gets out of the hospital, his dad has him come to his house, and his mom and dad and Gus are there. They have a family dinner and talk like everythings normal, and his dad sends him to his room with Gus and the sleep on his old twin bed squished together but not uncomfortable.

**  
  
**

______

Suddenly Shawn realises he’s home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel like you or someone you know needs help call this number:  
> 1-800-273-8255  
> or go to this site: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx
> 
> Stay safe. XX


End file.
